My Hero

 I'm pretty sure that if the Bible was being written today, the New Testament books would look like this; Matthew, Mark, Luke, John & Mamaw...

Mamaw, AKA Mary England, is John's mom's mom.  She is the most amazing woman I have ever known in my life.  Since the Bible is a guide book for how we are supposed to live our lives, I think the book of Mamaw ;) would have to be included.  It could have been written about many different themes to teach us a multitude of lessons...  Un-moveable faith, Compassion, Intercession, Grace, Mercy, Hearing the voice of God and the list could go on and on...  I'm telling you this woman is the picture I see the moment I begin to imagine what I want to be someday.

She is a small, soft spoken lady, who by site you would think is weak and timid...  Nothing could be further from the truth about her.  She will stay awake all night to pray one of her kids through a tough time and she doesn't take no for an answer.  I imagine God smiles a huge smile every time she calls His name.  She is one of the toughest, strongest and most steadfast people in this world.  I know, as a family we are all convinced that our lives have been shaped, spared and enriched by her prayers.  It's almost to the point that it is intimidating to imagine a time on this Earth without her covering.  She is incredibly precious to me and all those who know her.

I'm not naive enough to believe that she has no flaws, but I have NO idea what they might be. I have been a part of this family for over 17 years now.  Every minute of those 17 years I have seen nothing less than beautiful and wonderful.

She has always been the most amazing cook.  She has ruined me to Chicken & Dumplings from any other source.  Hers are the best!  She saves each year to be able to buy something special at Christmas for EVERY SINGLE GREAT GRANDCHILD and in this fertile family, you are talking about more than 20 kids!  She also tries very hard to remember every child's birthday and that's the kind of thing that has always made my kids feel so special not to mention the grandchildren, in-laws, her kids and Papaw.  We are beyond blessed to have her in our lives.

Mamaw is sick right now.  It reminds me that she won't always be around.  As I write that sentence, my eyes are overflowing with tears.  I can't imagine not having her.  She will probably never know what she has meant to me, but I'm saying it now...  even though the words I know, can't do justice to express what I feel.  Mary England is my hero.

Faith

"God rejoices when we manifest a faith that holds Him to His Word." - Smith Wigglesworth

 Faith has always been a topic that I was sure I didn't have a real grasp on.  I guess this was partly because I had never found myself in a situation that required me to believe for something specific.  I thought faith was just believing God would listen to my prayers and would do what was best for me... I no longer think it's that simple. I think that's more a trust in God than it is a faith in Him.  I know it's seems like the two are sort of the same thing, but I don't think they are.  We are given scriptures like Romans 8:28, that says "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."  To me, this is a perfect verse to show us why we should trust God, but it's not really the same as standing on a promise and not being satisfied, with anything less than that promise being realized in our lives.  When I first read the quote at the top of this post by Smith Wigglesworth, I immediately started crying.  I think it made the whole topic so much clearer to me at a time when I really wanted to believe God was going to do some big things on my behalf.  It proclaims in such a great way, the permission and even the challenge God gives us to hold Him to His Word and allow Him the opportunity to show off His love, mercy, power and kindness to us.  


It's not supposed to be confusing I don't think.  I have always over-complicated it because I did not feel like I was in a position to require anything of God.  I always felt like I was blessed just to be alive and to push God on anything more would be disrespectful and bratty.  However, I recently discovered a verse I'm not sure I had ever noticed before.  Isaiah 62:7 says, "Give the LORD no rest until he completes his work..."  The point is this... God said He was going to do something, so instructions were given to pray, stand, believe, hold-out and fight until that word from God was accomplished.  If He says He'll do something, then He WILL do it.  He loves seeing us relax in that knowledge and not let go of Him or his promise until it is finished.  


Does that always mean, He says it and then He does it, no matter what we do or say?  NO!  He shows us His best and it's up to us to push through to receive it.  Here's an example...  Imagine going to God in prayer and saying, "Lord, here is my question/burden/request...  God has an answer for you.  He says no sometimes, or sometimes he says wait and sometimes He says yes, I'll do that for you because I love you.  In the "yes" moments, what if He says "yes, I'll do that for you because I love you, BUT getting to the desired end is going to be long, frustrating and painful"?  It's then up to you to decide "I'm willing to endure for your best Lord" or you can say "no thanks Lord, I'd rather have good because it's easier than best".  When we choose to endure, believing God will do what he said, staying tough till the end, and not being swayed by what we see, is the definition of what I understand as faith....


I have sooooooo much to share about what I'm learning about faith...  I think, over the next couple of weeks, my blogging will be devoted to this topic...  That's all I'm going to say today... But, btw, I love hearing comments.  If you agree or think I'm nuts, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  I'm still learning so anything you wanna say is welcome.

All the pretty... and some not so pretty... packages...

In a conversation with John yesterday, he made this statement. "You don't do well with ambiguity"...  Hmmmmmm.....  Based on the context clues of the conversation (which by the way, is the only way I know what he's talking about sometimes since his choice of words occasionally  exceeds my vocabulary understanding. ;))  I knew what he was saying, but I had to look up "ambiguity" after we were done talking.

am·bi·gu·i·ty

noun /ˌambiˈgyo͞o-itē/ 
ambiguities, plural

Uncertainty or inexactness of meaning in language


A lack of decisiveness or commitment resulting from a failure to make a choice between alternatives

YES!!!! THANK YOU!  This word perfectly describes a place where I am NOT comfortable...  When confronted with an important question or thought that I haven't considered before, I am haunted and even obsessed until I have systematically deduced to the point of an opinion or conviction...  Why?  Why can't I just ponder or flirt with an idea and eventually land on some sort of epiphany?  I don't understand it, but I can't.  It makes me nuts!

Here's the clearest way I can describe how it makes me feel...  You know when you have a party of some kind that you are going to and you need to take a gift... You pick out the gift and it's laying there in the middle of your living room floor.  You can't take it like it is.  It's just not right.  You have to wrap it!  So maybe this is crazy, but just consider for a second that the gift is like the unanswered questions in my head...

First, you have to pick out the right box to put it in.  You don't want it to be too big because the gift would rattle around inside. You don't want it to be to small because the gift, if made to fit, might deform the box and make it bulge and maybe even break the box open.  It's the same with life's questions...  If you put the question in a bigger box than you need, then it takes up too much room on the shelf of your life or it rattles around inside, making too much noise.  If the box is too small then it's like you don't take it seriously enough and eventually it's probably going to bust the box open and need to be completely repackaged.  Does that make any sense?  Who knows, but let continue... ;)

Secondly, you have to pick out the right kind of paper to wrap it in...  Wedding bells and doves aren't exactly appropriate for a child's birthday party so obviously, you should probably choose paper with big colorful balloons instead...  Isn't that just the way it is in life?  Don't we have to look at the issue and figure out the appropriate type of paper to wrap it up in?  Should it be bright and colorful or dark and ugly or the type that just blends in and doesn't draw attention to the package at all?  Wouldn't that make it easier when looking at the shelf of your life to decide which packages to stay away from and which ones you may want to re-open?!

Lastly, wrapping a gift takes attention to detail.  The most beautiful packages, are the ones with perfectly folded corners, the least amount of visible tape and tied up with a pretty ribbon or bow. If any of these things are done half way or left out completely, the package doesn't look finished.  It's just like our life packages. The ones we consider carefully and completely are the ones we can put up on the shelf, assured that we are happy with the way they look and fit.  It doesn't have to consume any more of our time or energy because it's complete and all the loose ends are tied up. 

Maybe you are one of those people who can just come up with an opinion on the spot, that you are willing to stand behind, so all of this sounds ridiculous to you.  (and maybe this is ridiculous even if you're like me ;) ) But, I NEED to carefully wrap up all my thoughts and opinions and know that I've considered completely each aspect of the question before I want to share my opinions or take a stand about it.  "Ambiguity" is like taking a gift to a party in the Target sack you brought it home in.  It takes no consideration and proves you haven't really spent much time on it, therefore it means less to the recipient.  I know people get so frustrated with me when I don't seem very open to sharing or don't chime in about something they're passionate about.  I've had friends and family tell me that many times...  But if you give me a little time, I'm normally happy to take you into my closet and pull down a package to share with you.  It may be beautiful and you can't wait to see what's inside or it may be ugly and unappealing and you don't want anything to do with unwrapping it... Either way, I'll be more confident about giving it to you.

Blog Therapy

I'm not sure I've done myself a service in my writing, whether on this blog or the other avenues I've chosen to use to express myself over the recent past.  I have found that writing down my thoughts does so much in helping me understand them and come up with less emotional responses.  It's very therapeutic for me.  However, I've noticed a reluctance in myself to ever be honest with my negative emotions.  I've even written things and then chose not to post them because I was scared how it would come accross...  I guess I don't want anyone to ever think of me as negative or whiny or any other negative thing.  BUT, HELLO.... of course, if you know me at all you already know that I'm opinionated to say the least and occasionally life is just hard.  So obviously, this sweet, precious, everything is always perfect facade is crap!  :) If I'm gonna have a blog to share my life, then y'all are gonna just have to hear it all.  If it gets negative at times and you don't wanna listen to someone else's complaining, just skip it and wait...  I'll be happy again soon.  Don't get me wrong... Feeling pretty good and nothing in particular to gripe about right now, but it could happen... just a warning.

Stranger Bonding

  The other day I had to get gas and as I pumped away, I found myself caught up in a conversation with a man at the pump next to me.  He was probably my dad's age and he started the conversation by asking about my new Jeep.  Somehow in the time it took the two of us to pump a tank of gas, I felt like I knew so much about him.  He had talked about his kids, his wife and his grand kids. It was such a comfortable and natural conversation and I felt like I was catching up with a long lost friend.  As I drove away from that conversation, I found myself pausing with strange curiosity about how that just happened...  I mean how did I just spend 5 minutes with a man I had never met before and drive away knowing as much about him as I do about people I've known for a long time?  Sometimes it's easier than others and I love those moments where that connection happens and you are reminded that people are still sometimes simple and friendly and "normal" and touchable... Even if your paths only cross for a moment you leave that moment feeling good by having been a part of it...

Another example of what I'm talking about happened about a month ago.  I was driving down the road and could see out of the corner of my eye that there was a white SUV driving right next to me and basically going the same speed as me.  As we moved down the road I saw the light that was approaching was turning yellow.  This is a road where the lights are LONG and I did NOT want to stop.  It just never even crossed my mind that the yellow light meant slow down...  it kind of just encouraged me to hurry up!  Apparently my parallel driver had the same opinion of that yellow light.  We both continued and went right through the light that was definitely red by the time we made it through it.  Almost simultaneously, we both put our hands over our mouths and looked over at each other.  We had run the red light and we had done it together!  As soon as our eyes met, we both began to laugh.  I couldn't tell you anything about that person other than it was a girl about my age... BUT for about 5 second, I had a blast with her. ;) 

People are such a mystery.  There are those that are so difficult to me.  They are hard to engage or to understand and no matter how hard you try, you can't click with them.  Then, there are others that seem like they were always meant to be in your life.  Isn't it fun to have those moments with other people that are just EASY?!  I love it when that happens.  There's no competition, no awkwardness, no disagreements... just simple interaction that leads to a smile...  

This little piggie said, "NO"!...

I know I should...  I'm 4'11" for goodness sakes!  But it hurts!  I see other girls doing it and I get jealous of their obvious skill, commitment to beauty, style and overall awesomeness.  I want to be pretty and I'm even willing to be uncomfortable in order to achieve that goal, BUT high heeled shoes are cruel and unreasonable!  Maybe my whole problem is that I'm cheap and I usually end up buying inexpensive shoes.  But really?  Could walking on your toes all day long ever be comfortable?  I don't think my poor piggies would be anymore impressed by high priced torture devices than they would by the cheap stuff they're used to.

My dream is the day when some genius figures out how to make beautiful shoes out of memory foam... Just sayin...

Until that glorious day, just remember when you see me in my tennis shoes, that while you may be judging my style choice now, when I'm old, my feet, legs and back will still be working.  At least then I'll still be rocking adorable flats, flip flops and even the occasional wedge and you high heel wearing divas will be forced into orthopedic shoes.  ;)

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks...

I don't know if I've made this clear enough... I love Texas Rangers Baseball!


I'm not totally sure when this love began, but it seems to grow each year. I love Josh, Nelly, Ian, Elvis, Mike Napoli, CJ, Michael Young and my favorite new addition this year, Adrian Beltre! I also love watching the weird wind up of Darren O'Day. This team ROCKS! The idea of them trading any players makes me wanna cry.


I think because of John's love of baseball and my love for him, it's just been a natural progression to get me to the point I'm at now. Every date for us started with a baseball game. I LOVED that John was a catcher because he was so close and because every pitch involved him. (and secretly because it gave me such a good view of his adorable hiney ;) ) He was GOOD. I don't think I'm biased either. He really was good! From the Hawks to American Legion, it was several years of sitting in the sun and eating sunflower seeds, with Ronny, Terry, Grandma and Grandaddy, Tera and Hillary. I wish I could go back to one of those games. It was such a precious time in my life. I loved it! And BTW, anyone who thinks Ron Humphrey is always pretty quiet, I dare you to sit through a ballgame with him. ;)


I know part of the reason God gave me all these boys was because He knew I needed to remain close to the baseball field. ;) And we have... We had 3 different teams to follow this season and it was at least one game every night of the week... and most nights we had multiple games. It was hectic but GREAT!


Anyway, John and I are going to the game tonight for his birthday. We got really good seats too! I'm so excited about a weekend away with him and about watching my Rangers!


P.S. Dear God, Please cool it down before we get there. That would make it even more perfect!... Amen

A gift I take for granted...

  I have been so blessed with four healthy children.  Sometimes I forget what an amazing blessing that is.  They are almost never sick and when they have been, it's always just been the normal kid's-gone-in-a-day-or-two type illness.  They even have really good teeth and we've only had a cavity or two for all 4 of them combined! 

Yesterday I had to take Wes to have a tooth pulled and they had to put him to sleep to do it.  Also, recently Ben fell and bumped his head and ended up with a concussion and in the hospital.  Let me just say, I'm a wimp with this kind of stuff!  In both of these cases I had to see one of my children a little out of their minds.  I DO NOT like that.  In both instances, their eyes would roll back, they couldn't communicate, they just seemed so out of it and helpless. 

All I could think of yesterday as Wes was hooked to an IV, was Corbin Collier, (a little boy at our church who has cancer and is in the middle of chemo) and his parents...  Thinking about the excruciating pain they must all be in was overwhelming to me all day.  There's no telling what that sweet little boy is having to endure.  I'm sure he's being poked, tested and loaded up with all kinds of drugs that make him feel awful.  Watching those things happen to your baby would be unbearable.  His mom and dad must be in misery. 

I also have a childhood friend, Tim Coe, whose wife is dealing with cancer.  They have 4 children!  She's been in treatment for a while, which she recently found out has stopped working.  Obviously, they are grasping at God for his next steps towards her healing.  I can't imagine the fear that could accompany that situation if they don't constantly lean on the hope that comes from knowing God can and does take away disease and pain. 

I feel so humbled and spoiled by the fact that my family enjoys day to day health.  God is so good to us.  I'm praying for these situations daily.  I hope if you're reading this, you'll join me...  If you know them or not.