All the pretty... and some not so pretty... packages...

In a conversation with John yesterday, he made this statement. "You don't do well with ambiguity"...  Hmmmmmm.....  Based on the context clues of the conversation (which by the way, is the only way I know what he's talking about sometimes since his choice of words occasionally  exceeds my vocabulary understanding. ;))  I knew what he was saying, but I had to look up "ambiguity" after we were done talking.

am·bi·gu·i·ty

noun /ˌambiˈgyo͞o-itē/ 
ambiguities, plural

Uncertainty or inexactness of meaning in language


A lack of decisiveness or commitment resulting from a failure to make a choice between alternatives

YES!!!! THANK YOU!  This word perfectly describes a place where I am NOT comfortable...  When confronted with an important question or thought that I haven't considered before, I am haunted and even obsessed until I have systematically deduced to the point of an opinion or conviction...  Why?  Why can't I just ponder or flirt with an idea and eventually land on some sort of epiphany?  I don't understand it, but I can't.  It makes me nuts!

Here's the clearest way I can describe how it makes me feel...  You know when you have a party of some kind that you are going to and you need to take a gift... You pick out the gift and it's laying there in the middle of your living room floor.  You can't take it like it is.  It's just not right.  You have to wrap it!  So maybe this is crazy, but just consider for a second that the gift is like the unanswered questions in my head...

First, you have to pick out the right box to put it in.  You don't want it to be too big because the gift would rattle around inside. You don't want it to be to small because the gift, if made to fit, might deform the box and make it bulge and maybe even break the box open.  It's the same with life's questions...  If you put the question in a bigger box than you need, then it takes up too much room on the shelf of your life or it rattles around inside, making too much noise.  If the box is too small then it's like you don't take it seriously enough and eventually it's probably going to bust the box open and need to be completely repackaged.  Does that make any sense?  Who knows, but let continue... ;)

Secondly, you have to pick out the right kind of paper to wrap it in...  Wedding bells and doves aren't exactly appropriate for a child's birthday party so obviously, you should probably choose paper with big colorful balloons instead...  Isn't that just the way it is in life?  Don't we have to look at the issue and figure out the appropriate type of paper to wrap it up in?  Should it be bright and colorful or dark and ugly or the type that just blends in and doesn't draw attention to the package at all?  Wouldn't that make it easier when looking at the shelf of your life to decide which packages to stay away from and which ones you may want to re-open?!

Lastly, wrapping a gift takes attention to detail.  The most beautiful packages, are the ones with perfectly folded corners, the least amount of visible tape and tied up with a pretty ribbon or bow. If any of these things are done half way or left out completely, the package doesn't look finished.  It's just like our life packages. The ones we consider carefully and completely are the ones we can put up on the shelf, assured that we are happy with the way they look and fit.  It doesn't have to consume any more of our time or energy because it's complete and all the loose ends are tied up. 

Maybe you are one of those people who can just come up with an opinion on the spot, that you are willing to stand behind, so all of this sounds ridiculous to you.  (and maybe this is ridiculous even if you're like me ;) ) But, I NEED to carefully wrap up all my thoughts and opinions and know that I've considered completely each aspect of the question before I want to share my opinions or take a stand about it.  "Ambiguity" is like taking a gift to a party in the Target sack you brought it home in.  It takes no consideration and proves you haven't really spent much time on it, therefore it means less to the recipient.  I know people get so frustrated with me when I don't seem very open to sharing or don't chime in about something they're passionate about.  I've had friends and family tell me that many times...  But if you give me a little time, I'm normally happy to take you into my closet and pull down a package to share with you.  It may be beautiful and you can't wait to see what's inside or it may be ugly and unappealing and you don't want anything to do with unwrapping it... Either way, I'll be more confident about giving it to you.